The Pearly Gates
40 Gypsies arrive at the Pearly Gates in their Transit vans and caravans.
St Peter goes into the gatehouse and phones up God, saying. ‘I’ve got 40
travellers here. Can I let them in?’
God says ‘We are over quota on Pikeys . Go out to the Pearly Gates and tell them to choose
between them which are the 12 most worthy, and I will let just the dozen in.’
Less than a minute later St Peter is on the phone to God again. ‘They’ve
gone’, he tells God.
‘What?’ says God, ‘All 40 of them?’
‘No, the Pearly Gates’.
Eye Test
Not sure if you need glasses? Look carefully at the picture below:
Chinese Wedding Night
A young Chinese couple gets married.. She’s a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn’t know that.
On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.
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Negligee joke
A husband walks into Victoria ’s Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for
his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500
in price — the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for
the best, pays the $500 and takes it home.
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A night with rain
It rained again last night. This is the second time it has rained here in Fuengirola since the beginning of September. It’s been a fantastic post summer so far with warm (but cooling) evenings.
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Apples and wine
Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.
Most men don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid
of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take apples from
the ground that aren’t so good, but easy. The apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in reality, they’re amazing. The
just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave
enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
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Economic crisis joke
Another funny joke a friend sent me.
Little Patrick asked for a bike for his birthday.
His dad said, ‘we’d get you one, but our mortgage
is £80000 and your mum has lost her job’
next day patrick walked out with his suitcase packed.
His dad asks ‘where r you going son?’. Patrick replied
‘I walked past your Bedroom last night and heard you
tell mum u were pulling out, then I heard mum tell
you to wait coz she was comin too. I’m not staying
here on me own with an £80000 mortgage and no fuckin bike’
Men and women poems
A WOMAN’S POEM:
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who’s not a creep,
One who’s handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who’ll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he’s rich and self-employed,
And when I spend, won’t be annoyed.
Pull out my chair and hold my hand.
Massage my feet and help me stand.
Oh send a king to make me queen.
A man who loves to cook and clean.
I pray this man will love no other.
And relish visits with my mother.
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Dofus and other MMORPG spam
I’ve been getting the most random spam comments recently on my blog. For those that don’t know these comments are automatic and try to drive traffic (you & me) to a specific website. But talk about random! The content was “every dofuser needs dofus kamas, but most of them can’t find a good cheap dofus kamas provider, so it’s a problem is they want to buy dofus kamas.now bawwgt will be your best choice on dofus”.
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