Spain information

August 14, 2009 at 15:05 (Web) (, , , )

Spain was discovered in 1981 when the kindly old wizard who ruled and created it revealed it to ships off the coast of France. Shortly after the sighting of this new land, contacts were established with the mysterious savages. Al’Asad.
Well first off, its okay to feel sorry for Spain since it shares it’s “borders” with France but fortunately has no ones with UK, (except Gibraltar) or USA, someplace called “Endor” where rich people hide out, and a country that owes Spain 3 months rent called Portugal (they go easy on the rent). Spain, like your family is constantly at war with itself and others around it.

Why should you travel to Spain this year instead of the Bahamas? Let’s find out together.

Or just don’t.

While You Were Asleep in History Class

Let me catch you up on what you’ve missed so far. Spain was a peaceful place until civilized man appeared. The Carthaginians under Hannibal were hanging out in Spain until 210 B.C. when the Roman Empire showed up and kicked them out. Your teacher, Mrs. Jenkins told Mark Ingram that if he was going to chew gum he had to do it quietly.

The Romans held control of things until these bad asses called the Visigoths showed up. Matt who sits behind you gave Becky the “Goth Chick” an unpracticed *let’s go to the bed look* at the mention of the Visigoths.

For the next seven hundred years warfare between Christians and Muslims occurred as Christians pushed everybody who didn’t think like them out the door. The mighty Christians ended up teaching a lessons to the Muslims THIS IS IBERIA! famous quote by King Charles of Spain, so they were sent to “the Rock” Gibraltar where they remain to this day, but under the flag of the Caliphate of Britannia.

I can’t stress enough the social implications of a jock like Matt even considering dating Becky. That would be like Holy Roman Emperor Charles V asking out Roxelana the only legal wife of Suleiman the Magnificent on homecoming weekend.
Spain is a ghetto area located about the first and second parallels.

Political Aspects of Spain

Puttin’ the Pain in Spain
Spain is a constitutional anarchy, I mean monarchy, but lets face it, nobody really cares. The constitution gives power to the public which is in theory (but not in practice) is represented by folical parties in the parliament (also known as “El bar de tapas” or in English “The Tapas Bar”). The parliament of Spain is know to have put forward laws in its inception. Law in Spain ultimately set up for appreciation and observation of the public, ultimately to protect it from the evils of the proletariat and English football fans. In the end law is only a set of guidelines, in which both the police and the people do not believe in. Corruption and bribing is know to be the law of the jungle, but many people take this to seriously and end up like “Forum”.

The Hotness of Imperial Spain

Historical atlas of Imperial Spain.
Joanna the Mad styled “Her Royal Hotness” HRH, helped unify several lonely bachelors and create the Kingdom of Spain that we know today. Joanna liked the rough stuff more than ruling the country, and feigned schizophrenia so her relatives would keep her locked up.

Phillip the II followed up this act with hitting the low countries hard. So hard in fact that they named the Philippines after his exploits. Several thousand G.I.’s would follow his example in WWII.

While Conquistadors were busy interbreeding with the peoples of Latin and South America the Spanish Inquisition started their first season run on state television. Napoleon invaded was kicked out by those awfully nice British chaps, and the Spanish Civil War caused everyone a headache. Things were just starting to go right again when a large, unkept penis named Francisco Franco came along.

Bar-theh-loh-nah is the first city you need to check out. Don’t bother renting a car; navigating the streets in this city are tougher than getting a piñata full of candy away from your blind six year old cousin.

Everyone from this region of Spain believes they are part of their own nation called Catalonia. Feel free to remind them that Barcelona is not Europe, and you will get drunk and urinate in the street just as freely here, as you would in Paris.

If you prefer to visit Madrid, remember to visit locals where the owner had a great moustache and a nasty image and try to talk about how good played the FC Barcelona, you’ll have a very funny time with these kind people.

You probably missed the 1992 Olympics because you were in grade school, but don’t worry all those fancy hotels they built are still there waiting to overcharge you for a toothbrush, shampoo, and late night entertainment.
“Basque”-ing in self worship must mean your in Basque country, and hitting the tapas bars a little too hard. If you can sober up; visit the village of San Fermín for the running of the bulls.

Here are some helpful tips to guide you through this event:
•    When running from the bulls always tap the nearest one on the head for good luck.
•    Bulls love to be taunted with exposed genitals.
•    Drink a gallon of chocolate milk twenty minutes before the race.
•    Instead of running, why not make it a leisurely jog?
•    Only tourists leave the race when in danger of being gored.
•    Contrary to popular belief, underlay in not actually Spanish, just a mere carpenters material.
•    Footballers of the Spanish kind are all in denial about their great abilities to perform in the gymnastics event at each Olympics.
•    Portugal is ashamed to be the neighbour of Spain.
•    Spain is a two party dictatorship of which:
•    The Spanish are so romantic,the couples there eat strawberries out of each others arm pits.
•    Spanish prostitutes will fuck anything except the English!Will Brown 13:19, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
– PESOE (Partido Socialista Obrero Espanol)
– El Real Madrid

If you have enjoyed this entertaining description on Spain, find more novel information at Uncyclopedia. Her is the link for the above text.


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